Breaking Bad (Habits)

Me, all week.

A two part post… they are slightly related? Buried myself on a dehydrated 10 miler today. You never know what race day might be like.

This has been the toughest week in a long time. I’ve overextended myself. I’ve allowed myself to be overwhelmed. I’ve been exhausted. This time, my car is dying, I couldn’t find keys for out of town visitors, and I wasn’t sleeping well. My week was already busy, but trying to resolve those events threw the week totally out of whack and left a giant tailless stress monkey. I missed the vast majority of my training. I was incredibly distracted at work. Things eventually worked themselves out (in one way or another), but this time was the most stressed I had been in a long time and I think it’s time to make some changes:

1. Look out for #1. I tend to extend myself for friends and family, and don’t really ever say no to them. This has to stop. I need to prioritize myself. So if I tell you that no, I can’t help you, that doesn’t mean that I don’t want to or am mad at you; I just have other things that I need to do. For me.
2. Stop living so hard. I’m enjoying things, but like everything, I go to extremes. I need to bring things back a little. I think some yoga is in order (there’s a joke about doing yoga to find balance in your life somewhere in there, I know). This is slightly inspired by Erin.

I’m thinking these changes won’t change much about me or why people like me (I hope). These are things in my control, and I need to exercise more control over my life where I can. Thoughts?

The summer between junior and senior year of high school, when I was 17, I was in Cambridge at rowing camp. Trying to cross Memorial Drive one morning, I got hit by a car. A green RAV4 to be exact. I got the side view mirror square between the shoulder blades, the side panels across my knees, and the windshield frame across my head. A Cambridge cop told me he couldn’t transport me to the hospital because it was a state highway, so I could either wait for an ambulance to come or ride to the hospital with the guy who hit me. Not wanting to cause a scene, I rode to the hospital with the guy who hit me. We both apologized to each other, and then I started asking him what he did (he was an architect), if he was late for a meeting (he was), and apologizing for making him late.

I was telling this story Friday night over drinks (the discussion was childhood concussions (3 or 4 or more?)), and I was told that this story (making small talk with the guy who almost ran me over with his car) says more about my personality than my training, my education, my job, etc. The question was then posed as to whether that event was one of those events that you look back on and say I need to live every day to the fullest, etc. To be honest… no. It wasn’t. Maybe it should have been. Maybe subconsciously, it was. I was seconds away (in one direction) from being much much worse off (roadkill pizza), but I was also seconds away from not having that experience at all. It’s an event I don’t ever think about too seriously (because to think about it in depth is frightening and one of a handful of life events I DON’T want to rehash). I run past that spot pretty frequently, but I never even really make note of it. I’m not sure I’ve even shown anyone where it is. But it’s there and I remember it. But it happened, it’s over. Maybe I’m lucky to be alive. I just know I’m incredibly lucky (in so many smaller, more magnificent ways).