Walking away to come back

If I’ve been quiet, it’s because I didn’t know quite how to write this. I’ve been struggling getting my head on straight and focusing on training all season. It would be easy to say that it’s because of everything that happened at Boston, or to blame it on the injuries, but I think the reasons are a bit more expansive. All of this is to say that I’ve taken a break from training for triathlon for a bit so that I’ll be able to come back to it at as soon as possible (next year). That said, I’m still racing.
This morning was the Boston Triathlon, which would be only my second sprint tri. I haven’t swim in a month. I haven’t biked in that time either. And it showed. Slow in the water, slow on the bike (not sure if a brake was rubbing or if I was just terrible), and once on the run I decided that given my focus is being able to run long and fast this fall and winter, there was no need to really race 4.5 miles of running. So I didn’t (I still ran very comfortably quickly, which was good news). That’s just the way it ends up.
Is it troubling that I feel the need to step back? I think so if only because I have so many unanswered questions about why I need to step back. I’ve got it all. Great sponsors who have great products that I love to get people to use, great teammates who are loving and understanding and crazy, great family and loved ones… but I feel burnt out: if not by the training than by what goes into getting into training. Case in point: last night I had to swap tubes from my training wheels to my race wheels, and that alone took longer than the race itself. Getting to the pool to swim is a 20-25 minute walk from work. But if I wanted it badly enough, I would put up with it, right? So what’s changed since November?

  • Is it the mangled ankle? Was that such a spanner in the works that I couldn’t be back to racing this year? Did the fact that I went all in on running to get back for Boston mean that I had to forsake all the other sports[[1. No I didn’t. I just ended up not doing them
  • Is it performance anxiety? Am I afraid of my own success? I am worried that this is quite possibly true
  • I’m 20 lbs over where I was last year. I don’t have top end speed (speedwork right now is terrible). I know what the cause of the first one is, I have no clue what the reason for the second one is

So for right now, I’m doing what I can to stay in shape, get my head right, and get some training discipline back into my life. I’ve got OOB (get one of the last spots and race with me!) coming up, then back to Applefest, Marine Corps, and JFK 50 Miler. And in a few hours, I’ll find out about HURT 100.

  • Laura Miyakawa

    Sometimes you just have to listen. Sounds like the messages you’re getting is to take a step back. It’s hard in an obsessive sport like ours to say, eh, just not feeling it. Especially when you can’t point the finger at something. But I think you’re right to not put the pressure on. I’ve been feeling a little unmotivated myself this season. Even taken some down time to compensate. It feels weird, like who is this girl who sleeps in til 7am? But right now, it’s what I need. You’ll find your mojo again.

  • Lauren Bogenberger

    Completely in the same place Jordance. You are not alone. I am going into 3rd week without anything active hoping to have a hard reset and get some motivation back.